


which road do i choose

by thecanary



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Abortion mention, M/M, Pregnancy, Trans Male Character, Trans Pregnancy, canon typical discussion of transness, like no transphobia tho, which might make some folks uncomfy idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-08-30 03:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16756912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecanary/pseuds/thecanary
Summary: phillip has some big news for p.t. and like oof this ones a big one. phillip is trans bc its canon in my soul.





	which road do i choose

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to th folks on th other side discord fr egging me on w another fic for tgs already

Phillip was pacing. In his defence, he had a pretty good reason to be pacing, with a lot in his life to be worried about. He kept finding his hands resting in front of him, his heart pounding in his chest as he awaited P.T.’s return. The older man had been out all day, and Phillip knew that if they didn’t talk now, his courage would falter and fail. When the knock came on the trailer that Phillip had come to call home, his heart felt as though it were ready to beat out of his chest, the bindings that he wore to keep his chest flat certainly not helping the issue. 

“Come on in, Phin,” Phillip said, taking a seat at the small table that the trailer had room for. 

When Phineas walked in, Phillip offered a weak, smile, nodding his head at the seat opposite him. 

“We need to talk?” Phillip hadn’t intended for it to come out as a question, so he tried again. “I need to talk to you about something. It’s important.”

Phineas’s brow furrowed with worry. Good conversations rarely began like this. 

“What is it, love?” Phineas asked. 

The concern in his voice only made Phillip feel more worried, like he shouldn’t be burdening Phineas as he was, that he should figure things out for himself, or that he should have at least some idea of what he wants before he brought it to Phineas’s attention - but it was too late for that now. The first issue Phillip had to address was that he had no idea where to begin; it wasn’t like this was a conversation he’d had to have before. 

“You know, how… well… you know the way I am?” he said, gesturing at his own body as he spoke. “As in, I’m different to most men.”

Phillip had grown weary of saying he had a woman’s body; it didn’t feel true, and it hurt to say, so he’d stopped using it as an explanation tool. 

Phineas nodded. He didn’t want to interrupt, didn’t have anything to add, and he didn’t want Phillip to lose his train of thought. Phillip looked down, not able to make eye contact properly as he said what he needed to. 

“My body doesn’t always work for me,” he began. “I frequently endure things that most people would consider to be a ‘woman’s experience’. It’s awful, but something I’m used to. I mean, you were with Charity for a long time, I’m sure you understand that once a month…” he trailed off. That wasn’t a sentence that he had any idea as to how to end. 

“I understand,” Phineas said, his voice low and soft, clearly doing what was within his power to attempt to calm Phillip. “I would help Charity a lot with hot water bottles and the like, I mean, is that what you need now?”   
Phillip’s face was pained as he shook his head, looking up to Phineas for a moment as he raked his fingers through his hair. The two were at an understanding that when possible they didn’t really talk about Phillip’s predicament, that they were better off keeping relatively quiet about it, so that it didn’t become completely public knowledge. 

“With Charity,” (as much as Phillip hated using Phineas’s ex wife as an example, it felt easier than talking about it with the context of himself), “did she explain how she knew? I mean, did she explain that when she wasn’t getting her monthly, it meant that she was expecting?” 

The gears of Phineas’ brain were turning, as he realised the implication of what Phillip was saying to him, although he convinced himself that he must not be thinking on the same track that Phillip was speaking on. He nodded nonetheless. 

“Are you saying what I think?” Phineas asked. 

Phillip was glad he did. He wouldn’t have known what to say if Phineas wasn’t following what he was saying. Phillip nodded hesitantly, looking down at his stomach. 

Still, Phineas was not yet certain. One of them needed to say it out loud, it was clear that Phillip was too worried to say it. 

“Are you … expecting?” Phineas eventually asked, dancing around the actual question with an understandable euphemism. 

Phillip nodded. “Yes.” 

“And it’s, I mean, it’s our child?”   
“Of course it is,” Phillip replied, indignant now. “I just, I don’t know what to do. I know people who can give medication that will get rid of the child, but I had to speak to you about it.”  
“Do you want to keep the child?”

Phineas’ eyes were wide, his brows furrowed, his usual smooth talking style of speech gone now, as confusion set in and he became uncertain, a rare thing for him of all people. 

“I don’t know. I know how much you love children, and this one would be as much yours as mine.”  
“Surely it would be painful for you to go through with this.”

Phillip hesitated a moment before a nodded, though his face seemed almost indifferent. “It would, but I go through so many painful experiences, at least this one would end with something better.”

“Does that mean you’re considering doing this?”  
“I’d need to find someone to look after the circus while I couldn’t, and somewhere to stay undercover, fake an illness for a while, but once I returned with the child I could always claim it’s an illegitimate child of mine, or a cousin’s, something like that.”

“I’d be happy to take over for you at the circus for a bit, if that’s what you want.”

Phillip moved his hand over the table, where he tapped his fingers one after another in a repetitive motion, trying to calm his mind. 

“I think I’d like to. This whole time I’ve felt out of place, in the wrong body, but you love me anyway, and that… it changed a lot.”

Phineas gave an understanding hum, his smile seeming more genuine and less worried now. Of course he loved Phillip, he hardly saw this as a reason not to. 

“And this is a chance to make something real of that,” Phillip continued. “My whole life, I thought I’d never have love, but now I have you, and I thought I’d never have a child, but, here we are.”

Phineas nodded, standing to walk closer to Phillip, while Phillip stood and did the same. 

As they embraced, Phillip resting his head on Phineas’ shoulder, Phineas murmured into his ear. 

“Wow. We’re really going to do this.”


End file.
